All down hill

I have passed my busiest week this semester probably, and that means that I have more time to fill with random things, like blogs. :)

I do not feel like being deep and meaningful, so here is a picture:

the rest of my thoughts

The real problem:

As I reflected on my actions I began to recognize a pattern. The first thing that happens with a boy is that I appreciate him. There is a quality of his personality that is beautiful. But no sooner do I appreciate him than I begin to desire to possess in whatever way I can that quality, that thing I value. With a boy it means having him for my boyfriend, if it is food it means eating it, if it is a talent it is mastering it. What is the drive for this obsession to HAVE?

It is rooted in our very nature of being a fallen being, and what I understand now is that it is a type of doubt of God.


The fall

I understand there to be two types of faith, that is, two ways to trust in God. I draw this from Hebrews 11:6.

1. he exists
2. He rewards those who seek him.

I take the second to be a type of trust that God is good to his children. What happened at the first temptation was that Eve began to doubt God’s goodness because of a lie that God was jealous and afraid that his children might become like him:

“Has god said you will die? You shall not die. For he knows the day you eat of it you shall be like Gods knowing good and evil.”

The idea that not only is God withholding something from them, but he also is a liar was subtly suggested and taking action based on that idea, Eve enacted this doubt, that I suspect still haunts us:

God is withholding good from us, and he is not all good.

When this idea is brought down from abstraction and is applied to a situation it is seen as the motivation of our reliance on our self to produce our own good and happiness. We can not leave it to God because obviously he will not give it.

Love and friendship

Are gifts because you can not force anyone to be your friend. If love is forced it is not true love.

Lust:

We grasp at what has not been given to us because we have become our own provider.

Self image

however, we are able to “win” people’s approval based on the image we present because our fellow humans are fallen and therefore they desire what is not theirs to take. Then we begin the sick cycle of creating a self image that we know people want to see.

The Issue

Well it has been a good while since I posted.

Busy, of course.

But not idle. So that means that I will have to catch up on my thoughts, but that might be overwhelming. So I will post one thought at a time.

This is the first.

My thoughts of late have circulated around the wondering of what a right relationship between a guy and girl looks like. It has come up because though I have given myself a rule of no romantic relationships for a year, I can not tell myself that I will not find anyone attractive for a year.... But I am jumping ahead of my self.

I began to realize that if one cuts out all male (or female) contact from ones interaction, one cuts out a very significant input, especially if it is cutting out the opposite sex. I began to realize I was too far on the other side because all my interaction is with females. Males are not to be trusted.

So along came a male, but alas, he is a beautiful male, and I can’t help but appreciating him. No sooner is he appreciated than I want him, and the whole cycle of lust, introspection, flirting and all the good and bad that follows two fallen people’s interaction begins to set in.

Don’t worry this has a happy ending