the rest of my thoughts
The real problem:
As I reflected on my actions I began to recognize a pattern. The first thing that happens with a boy is that I appreciate him. There is a quality of his personality that is beautiful. But no sooner do I appreciate him than I begin to desire to possess in whatever way I can that quality, that thing I value. With a boy it means having him for my boyfriend, if it is food it means eating it, if it is a talent it is mastering it. What is the drive for this obsession to HAVE?
It is rooted in our very nature of being a fallen being, and what I understand now is that it is a type of doubt of God.
The fall
I understand there to be two types of faith, that is, two ways to trust in God. I draw this from Hebrews 11:6.
1. he exists
2. He rewards those who seek him.
I take the second to be a type of trust that God is good to his children. What happened at the first temptation was that Eve began to doubt God’s goodness because of a lie that God was jealous and afraid that his children might become like him:
“Has god said you will die? You shall not die. For he knows the day you eat of it you shall be like Gods knowing good and evil.”
The idea that not only is God withholding something from them, but he also is a liar was subtly suggested and taking action based on that idea, Eve enacted this doubt, that I suspect still haunts us:
God is withholding good from us, and he is not all good.
When this idea is brought down from abstraction and is applied to a situation it is seen as the motivation of our reliance on our self to produce our own good and happiness. We can not leave it to God because obviously he will not give it.
As I reflected on my actions I began to recognize a pattern. The first thing that happens with a boy is that I appreciate him. There is a quality of his personality that is beautiful. But no sooner do I appreciate him than I begin to desire to possess in whatever way I can that quality, that thing I value. With a boy it means having him for my boyfriend, if it is food it means eating it, if it is a talent it is mastering it. What is the drive for this obsession to HAVE?
It is rooted in our very nature of being a fallen being, and what I understand now is that it is a type of doubt of God.
The fall
I understand there to be two types of faith, that is, two ways to trust in God. I draw this from Hebrews 11:6.
1. he exists
2. He rewards those who seek him.
I take the second to be a type of trust that God is good to his children. What happened at the first temptation was that Eve began to doubt God’s goodness because of a lie that God was jealous and afraid that his children might become like him:
“Has god said you will die? You shall not die. For he knows the day you eat of it you shall be like Gods knowing good and evil.”
The idea that not only is God withholding something from them, but he also is a liar was subtly suggested and taking action based on that idea, Eve enacted this doubt, that I suspect still haunts us:
God is withholding good from us, and he is not all good.
When this idea is brought down from abstraction and is applied to a situation it is seen as the motivation of our reliance on our self to produce our own good and happiness. We can not leave it to God because obviously he will not give it.
Love and friendship
Are gifts because you can not force anyone to be your friend. If love is forced it is not true love.
Lust:
We grasp at what has not been given to us because we have become our own provider.
Self image
We grasp at what has not been given to us because we have become our own provider.
Self image
however, we are able to “win” people’s approval based on the image we present because our fellow humans are fallen and therefore they desire what is not theirs to take. Then we begin the sick cycle of creating a self image that we know people want to see.
posted by Sasha @ 4:37 PM
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