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Little independent thought

It is Canada Day today. For some reason sweeping the floor in the shelter kitchen seems to generate thoughts. Not always particularly bright ones, especially if I am sweeping after 2am. However, this thought amused me enough to publish it.

All over the world countries celebrate their independence from colonial powers. In four days, for example, The United States of America will proudly remember the day a bunch of men sat down and signed a document which basically said, "We have a right to our freedom." In fact we are so free that we now have the power to help other people groups free themselves of other colonial powers which may take the form of rain forests, oil, intelligence, or who knows--but if we blast enough holes in their land I'm sure we'll find something we can free them from... ok, I'll stop. Canadians, however, seem to do their polite thing and celebrate both their independence and the colonial power. This Canada Day the Queen is here and her presence seems to enhance the Canadian identity rather than diminish it. As I swept the kitchen I was slightly amused at the absurdity of this. But then I was slightly horrified to realize I am looking at this like an American. No one across the border could grasp the complexity of the situation: Canadians are happy to be both their own country, and yet under the authority of the Queen. Is this real nationhood?

But then I began to see that of the three nations I think Canada might come out as the one on top. The British Isles don't even celebrate an independence day--well that's not quite right. They join other nations in celebrating independence, often from themselves(!) Each party shakes the other's hand while saying "good riddance." The Brits don't have independence day preferring rather to celebrate other's independence from them. And the Americans haven't realized yet that nations would like to be able to celebrate their independence from them... ironic.

Therefore Canada has the only real independence day--that is, they celebrate interdependence day. And, lets face it, for social creatures, that is the only way to exist. But lets hope it doesn't get to their heads...

New life direction... for this week.

I have found yet two more things I wish to add to my list of what I want to do when I grow up. The past two days I have attended a workshop in relation to my work, and part of this has been an introduction to the legal system on the first day and viewing a mock trial on the second. The Judicial Justice of the Peace was a woman who was terribly cool. She was everything you might idealize in a judge (no, I did not know there was such an ideal, until I saw the trial.) She was hearing an applicant who was in an abusive relationship applying for a Protection Order. She was formal, rather terrifying, I imagine, and yet, in her formality gave room for the human within the strictly cool rationalism which judges are apparently supposed to approach their cases with. Watching her I found myself feeling for the first time that the whole legal system was really quite a fascinating structure. I suppose I had dismissed it as a vestige of patriarchy at worst, and at best a human construction created to help organize and deliver justice, but which really only helps deforest large portions of rain forest with all the paper work they use.
Well, as of today, I would like to be a lawyer and then a judge. I think I will even go so far as to look into courses and processes of how to become one. I have an application to be a Commissioner of Oaths. I am trying to understand why it is I have just discovered a hitherto unknown passion. Now that the legal system has my attention, I am beginning to see that it is an important institution which, like all human structures, has its rather dark side, but also has the potential to create order and deliver justice. I would like to participate with the later, if only that means being a responsible and informed citizen. I have assumed the somewhat reactionary opinion that the courts are here to control people, and occasionally, like politicians, make a few good decisions. But my recent engagement in both the MS rally as well as the Human Trafficking walk led by MP Joy Smith, have showed me once again that even within the most macro system there are small humans working away towards creating a just society. Thinking along those terms I become not a disengaged critic who takes no action and withdraws from society. Rather informed and hopeful, I engage myself as a little person whose small voice adds with other small voices to help enable democracy. I see that only as such it is then possible to make the most helpful critiques where the system fails. Having been on the other side for so long this feeling of cooperation is very new, and rather pleasant.

So, until further notice, not only am I going to be a gardener who dances, contributes to the Gaelic literary world and runs a nonprofit coffee/craft shop, I will also be a lawyer for women and planet and eventually, in my wise old age (when I am old enough to have a rose garden) I will also act as village sage (referred to as JJP).

Resolution

I am blogging from a little cyber cafe on a street in Esteli, Nicaragua. I am here with three friends and we have been here since Wednesday, though travelling since Monday evening. I must stop and think very hard about what day it is as time moves very differently when travelling. I think this is because I mark time more by routiene and to travel is to upset almost every familiar routiene and practice. Sometimes this is a very welcome thing, and sometime this creates a great deal of anxiety--and sometimes both at the same time.
For the past three days I have gotten a great deal of (very urgently needed) work done on my teeth by a local dentist recomended by my father. He is very good, and for anyone needing lots of otherwise expensive dental work I would certainly recomend him. So far he even tops the dentist in Costa Rica (who I have held up to this point as being the best dentist in my extensive experience.) Indeed, for those of you who worry about scary Latin American medical practices, he just corrected a mistake they made in the US by a dentist not completely removing a cavity before filling it. He had to take out the whole filling which was infected and replace it.
Despite how happy I am to have healthy teeth I have reached some limit of consecutive pain tolerance. I am exhausted from holding my jaw open for a few hours every day and recieving shots, drills and prying. I have two more days of work (tomorrow and Monday) which includes an extraction and finishing the root canal. But after today I am ready to quit. I want to go home and forget about my stupid teeth. I would like this to all be done and to just enjoy the rest of the trip.
However this is not a possibility. So I am going to bitch about it, curse the gods and make a resolution in the midst of the agony. My resolution: I would like to see the dentist for cleanings only from now on. Is this possible? I think this involves cutting out refined sugar from my diet. I will add that to my learn-how-to-cook summer which begins when I return. I think the discomfort of the past few days has brought me to a breaking point in a way. I think I have come to the point where I would prefer long term health without refined sugars to the momentary pleasure of they offer.

PS the spell check does not speak English so there are probably lots of mistakes. I hope you are amused.

Two centimeters of thoughts

It is funny how we can name a thing and “know” what it is, but miss it entirely. In the process of naming something it is essential to reduce its complexity to a stereotype, and in that reduction we neglect the individual characteristics of it. I have just spent an hour trying not to reduce a 2cm pinecone into every other pinecone I have seen by observing it and transferring that onto a piece of paper. “Sketching” in other words.
One of my goals is to learn to paint gardens (and cats, of course). I found an easel at MCC for 3$ so I bought it, and promptly told Dennis that I had done so, and wished at some point this summer to paint his garden. He seemed relatively excited about the idea, so I have enough motivation to begin the process of learning how to paint gardens. (Yes, I am fueled by pleasing people—It has gotten me into trouble upon occasion, but there can be legitimate good from this motivation…)

How ever does one go about learning to paint a landscape? Well, much thought has been given to this—usually as I drive from Otterburne to Steinbach looking at the landscapes and wondering how I might portray them. I have now come to see that first I must learn to portray distance, shape, and the dimensions of shadows and light, not to mention all the complexities colour adds to the whole thing. So learning to paint starts with learning to sketch, and this sketching begins with learning to see.

My mother knew what she was doing after all when she had us sit down and draw still life. I thought it was the most dull exercise at the time. Drawing bread and oranges had far less appeal than unicorns, fairies and raccoons back then. I now return to the basic lessons I abandoned so long ago—back when I knew far more than I know now…

It is a little humiliating when a 2cm pinecone requires all the skill, focus and patience you can muster simply to give it a good definition. I realize that drawing is not actually dissimilar to writing a paper. I think that I am in the stage of learning how to define; I am learning to define in my mind the nuances and differences of this particular pinecone, and I think that is the first essential thing to drawing. Anyone can draw a pinecone, just like anyone can write a paper—the challenge is to articulate the particular nuances of the argument and source your work well. This pinecone was a little two page paper—my first. Someday I hope to write a 20 pager. For now, I will stick to little pinecones, leaves and maybe venture a flower…