Practicum

For thy maker is thy husband: the Lord of Hosts is his name;

and thy redeemer, the holy one of Isreal;

The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

For the Lord hath called thee as a woman

Forsaken and grieved in spirit,

And a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, sayeth thy God.

After all that I have been learning, now God turns to me and says "Here, I will give you a chance to apply it." Adam turns to Eve and says "You are beautiful, but I am just fine without you."

Theory is always the easy part: to understand that God is to be our centre, that pain brings us closer to him, and that we are to wait in hope for his goodness to come through. These are delights to understand, and the mind can search into them until it is convinced it is true. However, to actually apply these truths is entirely different.

Theorem:

" The curse for Eve and all her daughters cannot be limited only to babies and marriage, for if that were true every single woman without children gets to escape the curse. The meaning is deeper and the implications are for every daughter of Eve. Woman is cursed with loneliness (relational heart ache) with the urge to control (especially her man), and with the dominance of men... Aren’t your deepest worries and heartaches relational--aren’t they connected to someone?"

Why did God curse Eve with loneliness and heartache, an emptiness that nothing would be able to fill? Wasn't her life going to be hard enough out there in the world, banished from the Garden that was her true home, her only home, never able to return? It seems unkind. Cruel, even. He did it to save her. For as we all know personally, something in Eve's heart shifted after the fall. Something sent its roots down deep into her soul... that mistrust of God's heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms. So god has to thwart her. In love, her has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to him and him alone for her rescue."

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;

I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.

She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;

she will look for them but not find them.

Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first,

for then I was better off than now.'

Jesus has to thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. Otherwise we would never fully turn to him for our rescue."

[quoted from Captivating]


How about the practicum?

O, Well for him who breaks his dream

With blow that ends his strife

And waking knows, the peace that flows

Around the pain of life!
----MacDonald Phantasties

It is certainly true that I am turning to Him for my rescue. I still am wondering how much and how personal his love for me is. But the possibility that his love is that personal and that real is what I am standing on right now. That there is a rock to stand on that is never moved. That there is a love that abounds infinitely and personally. And that there is a reality that is realer than any human love...
Even that possibility is well worth this pain. I refuse to wallow. I refuse to become bitter. I have tasted divine love this summer and there is too much life in one ounce of it than 100 pounds of self pity. I will be grateful to my God and his goodness, and I will learn through all this who He is, and Who I am because of His love.

Do not abandon yourself to sorrow,

Do not torment your self with brooding

Gladness of heart is life to a man

Joy is what brings him length of days.

Beguile your cares, console your heart,

Chase sorrow far away;

For Sorrow has been the ruin of many

And it is no use to
anybody.