Free to Serve

It has gotten to that point at work where one feels like one is a slave. The only thing I really want to do is finish early and have “more time to myself”. I am conscious of every half hour passing. It is not that the work is so bad, it is just the fact that I have to work.

However, I am very grateful for having to be disciplined. As I considered this I began to see the connection all through life of a simple Christian doctrine. To serve is to live. The moment I stop serving that is when there is no motivation to do anything of any significance. If I had all the time and all the comforts to myself I would eventually spoil.

“Come eat: find your hearts desire and find despair”

(This was the little inscription at the gate on the mountain that Digory got that fruit).

So as my time is eaten away with work that does not seem to matter very much for the great life I intend to lead (after school, that is, when “real life begins”…) yet my consciousness is being shaped into something more: the mentality of a servant.

*gasp*
“No, this is not a good thing!” Says the world.

One looses ambition, freedom, inspiration… All your potential will amount to nothing in life if you are content to be a slave, a servant.

One must ask a very important question when one is faced with all the pressure to become as much as one can: what is freedom?

Is it
a) To do whatever one wills whenever one wills
b) To do whatever one is supposed to do


I am becoming convinced as I wake up every morning and face another day of no time for self, that if we choose “a)” we will “find our hearts desire and find despair”.

However if we choose “b)” we will find a paradox. After death, crucifixion, slavery we will find life, peace and freedom. If we are tied down to some law we will find true freedom to act within this law. At the heart of the fall there is this desire that springs from this lie that if we abandon law we will be "free". But in reality it is being bound to this law that makes us free.

I am yet unsure why, but I am finding that this is the nature I live in, regardless if I understand it or not.



Ah, and the next thing on my mind, but for another day, is being a servant with love.